Not from the Onion: Professor suspended for sarcasm and bad attitude

A professor was suspended from a top university for nine months following accusations he “sighed” and was sarcastic during job interviews.

Thomas Docherty was banned from the University of Warwick in January for allegedly giving off “negative vibes” and undermining the authority of the former head of his department.

The case against him included “inappropriate sighing”, “making ironic comments” and “projecting negative body language”. [link]

All look same… wherein Mindy is confused for Malala

As she stood by the banquettes, a tipsy man in his 80s cornered her and showered her with compliments, apparently mistaking her for Malala Yousafzai. “Congratulations on your Nobel Prize,” he said, before expressing wonder at how well she had recovered from Taliban gunshots.

Ms. Kaling was speechless. “Did he really think I’m Malala?” she said when he was safely out of sight. “And that if I were, I’d be at the Boom Boom Room?”

Still, she thought it was pretty funny: “That’s the best thing that’s happened all night.” [link]

40,000 Chinese restaurants in America, 3x as many as McDonalds

“There are more than forty thousand Chinese restaurants across the country—nearly three times the number of McDonald’s outlets. There is one in Pinedale, Wyoming (population 2,043), and one in Old Forge, New York (population 756); Belle Vernon, Pennsylvania (population 1,085), has three. Most are family operations, staffed by immigrants who pass through for a few months at a time, living in houses and apartments that have been converted into makeshift dormitories. The restaurants, connected by Chinese-run bus companies to New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, make up an underground network—supported by employment agencies, immigrant hostels, and expensive asylum lawyers—that reaches back to villages and cities in China, which are being abandoned for an ideal of American life that is not quite real.” nyr.kr/103N6Wy

You should be more scared of being killed by your furniture than by Ebola

According to a report by the Consumer Product Safety Commission, just under 30 Americans are killed every year by “tip-over,” which is when “televisions, furniture, and appliances” fall onto their owners. The report also found that over 40,000 Americans receive “emergency department-treated injuries” from tip-over every year… tip-over kills about as many Americans per year as terrorism does, and injures many more. In theory, then, you should be just as freaked out by tip-over as you are by terrorism. Based on the fatality rate, you should be much more freaked out about tip-over than you are about Ebola. [Vox]